Saturday, 22 November 2008

Thar the icy tumbleweed blows...


Hubbie and I rarely go out. Our-Strictly-Come-Dancing-John-Sergeant-days, we reckon, are long gone. But occasionally there are slight glimmers of hope. Ta da! Only last night I was invited out to a small social (women-only-PTA-organised) gathering at the local village hall. At first I dithered, I felt grotty (as a fully paid up member of a mardy cold) but then again, I thought, go on...give it a whirl...





At six o'clock (remarkably organised for once) I looked up at the kitchen clock and asked hubbie if now was the right time to start to get the children to bed. As there was no or little response (he was working at the computer) I carried on reading the local newspapers (just the headlines!, just the headlines!)...thinking that I might just get away with not doing the bedtime routine...


At 6.45 p.m. hubbie asked whether I was reading to our son or daughter. I told him that I had to be at the party (being held all of five minutes away) at 7.30 p.m. He said: "You can be ready in five minutes, what's the problem?" (Typical blokish reply. I thought to myself.) And usually yes, in five minutes, I can be ready. Except for this night. I was convinced that the ladies would be glammed up to their eyelashes and as such, I did not want to roll in, dressed in my usual uniform of jeans and Fatface sweatshirt swirled in snot...


I read poor wee son's stories to him in the record breaking time of four minutes flat. Felt incredibly guilty as he has the dratted cold too...at 7.05pm I sidled into our bedroom...not having a clue as to what to wear.


Various thoughts did a rapid front crawl through my head:

1. Blue linen skirt (Summer attire...it's sub-zero outside!)
2. Jean skirt (no...too much of a "staple")
3. Jeans. Absolutely not! (due to aforementioned reasons)
4. What the hell else? (Despite having wardrobes full of clothes and one rail having fallen down only last week due to the sheer weight of various "togas/shifts"...call them what you will...)
I finally remembered the wrapover black dress which still fits me fine. O.K. 50% of the dress decision taken. What to wear with it? Pulled out lots of jumpers, t-shirts, sweaters from the chest of drawers I rarely venture into as so many books are stacked in front of them. Discover, to my delight, that the Nicole Farhi roll necked jumper still exists after all these years. (My old faithful.) I'd convinced myself that I'd long since banished it as it was looking distinctly threadbare. (Nay! I shall not abandon it just as Linus, in Peanuts, will never be parted from his faithful old blanket.) But. Oh! Cannot wear that with the black wrapover dress. Can only be worn with jeans. Damn. Blast. Opt for the red woollen roll necked jumper instead.


I crowbar the long mirror out of its hiding place between the window and the chest of drawers. (It had its own stand but the children started swinging off it so all had to be removed due to own household's self imposed health and safety rules.) I take a good look at myself in the mirror and am not happy. Choose to go for that black roll necked sweater. More mole-like burrowing in my other chest of drawers...convinced that it, too, did not exist. And lo! The black roll necked sweater does exist. No longer a figment of my imagination - it is donned. It passes muster. The black Marella coat...still in service from my banking days...(now only used for Christenings and Funerals) gets the thumbs up. Last but not least...what to put on my feet?...I manage to put on one black leather boot but the lever, thingummy jig, breaks off in my hand and with five minutes to go to get there, I cannot believe that I will be compelled to go up the road in one boot (as I can't get it off for love nor money). Cripes. I consider calling in sick. With one last attempt I achieve the impossible and the devilish boot is prised off. I go down, SAS-style, on my belly to see what lurks in the nether, dusty regions of the double bed. Have I got any footwear which would remotely match up to this kamikaze outfit? Again I strike gold with some black wedge shoes which have come back into fashion after ten years. "The Gods must be smiling on me tonight!" I inwardly rejoice. I strap them on, put on some lippy, stride out the door, unfreeze the car and arrive fifteen minutes late.

No mean feat.


I open the door. I walk in. The hall is almost deserted....99.9% of the womenfolk, who were there, were wearing............good old, practical, comfy jeans.

21 comments:

Suburbia said...

How annoying!!!

You have lots of snow!! Wow :)

Hadriana's Treasures said...

Suburbia, to be honest...I thought it was rather funny. I think I should have thought about it a bit more...I do tend to leap to conclusions!

A good friend of mine says I have two speeds: zero or 150mph! (She's absolutely right of course...)

I've also cheated with that photo...we have had some snow..but not as much as that...I think that was taken last year....(be good if we did have lots of snow...so we could get the sledge out!) :)

Maggie May said...

That was so funny and that is me all over!
Snow! How I hate the stuff, except on picture postcards of course.

Lakeland Jo said...

Cumbria has snow this morning- and it looks like your picture. Wondering whether teenager's rugby training will be cancelled..... more time to blog and stay in my pyjamas...
Anyway- bad luck about the jeans. it's the same here. Even when I under-dress I still feel overdressed at most social events...every one is very laid back over here in rural Cumbria

The Dotterel said...

you can do all that in five minute? I'm impressed!

rosiero said...

Had to laugh - your wardrobe sounds like mine... good old comfortable stuff for walking the dog/handling small icky children or stuff too posh and worn a decade or so ago, waiting to come back into fashion again!!

Fat, frumpy and fifty... said...

LOL..that madsev me laugh oput loud, good thing l'm sitting on my own at reception, before we open at noon!! Was Lynn there??

East Anglian Troy said...

The time to worry is when one of them says "Ladies, I've had an idea for a charity calendar".

(Not to mean for one moment that you wouldn't make a great Miss June).

Dumdad said...

What a social whirl you live!

Catharine Withenay said...

Oh, just so familiar!

I once persuaded my husband that he needed a tux for a school ball ... but of course none of the sixth-formers had such grand attire and we stuck out like sore thumbs. Ouch - just the memory hurts!

Strawberry Jam Anne said...

That did make me laugh - it was like reliving a scene from my not too distant past!

A

Arthur Clewley said...

I was Mr January in one of those calenders once troy. The calender didn't sell many copies but I raised quite a bit of money etching the names of the recipents on christas gifts of glassware with my nipples

Arthur Clewley said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
lmerie said...

Sounds like something I would do!

Love the snow picture!

French Fancy said...

Oh Hadriana, that was so funny and rang so many bells. One can cope with clothes issues on a day-to-day basis but the first time something 'new' comes along, I also have a Big Think about what to wear that still a) fits, b) looks nice and c) will not make me feel like a kronenbourg.

Remember at 21, anything went - we all looked so wonderful but never appreciated it at the time.

Yuk, snow.

French Fancy said...

p.s. - lest you think I have a beer addiction, I meant kronenbourgh as in the second definition here:

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=kronenbourg

French Fancy said...

pps - goodness, what a numpty I am - link didn't complete so here is the definition:

kronenbourg

A word used to describe a lady who looks great from behind, but has a face like a chopping board. Taken from the popular drink of Kings, Kronenbourg 1664 as she is 16 at the back and 64 at the front.

Hadriana's Treasures said...

Sorry to all about the delay in replying. The whole household has been lain waste by colds and snivels. The doc has given me some magic pills so I actually feel better this morning!

I quite like the snow, Maggie, as long as there is a warm fire at the end of it!

Yes, Lakeland Jo, I think I am resigning myself to jeans. Did the rugby get cancelled?

The Dotterel, if only, if only....

Rosiero, we are like minds in the wardrobe department!

FFF, She was not there...wisely I think!

Troy...a thermal clad Miss June perhaps? (And yes, I'd be worried!)

Social whirl is an understatement, Dumdad,...Oscar Wilde would be jealous (?!)....

Catharine...but I bet you looked great and put them to shame!

Welcome Strawberry Jam Anne (Love your name BTW) to my blog!

Arthur...very well done but ouch!

Hello Imerie...glad you liked the photo. I love snow photos. I was going to say "snowy" but the photos wouldn't last long that way...

Dear French Fancy, thank you for all of that. A "Kronenbourg"...I didn't know what that meant (apart from beer)...it is amazing what you can learn from blogging!

Julie said...

Hilarious. I'm still wiping the tears from my eyes. We've moved between very different social environments - now I play safe and wear jeans and a fur jacket to anything out of the ordinary.

I put an axe through my ten year old bedroom suite the other day - am going for a minimal storage system. Doesn't half free up space!

Dumdad said...

An award for you to collect over at my place.

Hadriana's Treasures said...

Yes, Julie, know the feeling... Funnily enough my grandfather did the same thing with a wardrobe. (Only because he is very practical. He moved into sheltered accommodation and needed something smaller! Sounds very sensible.)

Dumdad...I'll be right over...