Tuesday, 28 September 2010

Holding hands with the present, the past and the future

I think I need to sort out my computer as I seem to have lost the ability to download photos (and add links). So please imagine an image of a small hand holding a big hand.
I'm fairly convinced that I've lost a handful of followers after the Vindolanda post (recent one) about the discovery of a child's skeleton there. I can understand why (at least I think I can) although it still hurts to lose followers.
I'll try to explain why there's a mixed message in there.
I would never hurt a child or a person...in thought, word or deed but I know that I'm no angel. (Although I would like to be one and try to be an angel every day. I love getting on with everyone but I'm human...I do have bad moods. I do lose my temper. I'm not the most patient person in the world although I try to be and so on. I would not lay a finger on anyone...in fact I'm harder on myself than anyone else. Especially when I mess up!)
I've always wanted to write...ever since I was very little. I've also been very interested in the crime genre - Raymond Chandler, Ed McBain, Dashiell Hammett and so on. Paradoxically since I've had children I now can't cope with any visual violence and much less..with the current fashion for showing very graphic violence to women, men and children on screen. I run away from that stuff and hide behind the sofa. Give me "Downton Abbey" every time. That's why I like "Morse" because it is a cerebral "cop" show. I don't really see anything in it which makes me head for the hills. Perfect. I get a good night's sleep.
I do try to imagine the dark side of life. Why? Because it's there and I can't get away from it. In fact some fairly awful things happened to my close family (in the last war) and to a former boss. (I can't quite bring myself to discuss these in public just yet.) So my active imagination runs away with things at times. I've learned that there's no point in hiding these things under the carpet. They have to be brought out and examined in broad daylight from time to time. In fact, to be an effective guide or storyteller, I have to think about them. Whether I like it or not.
I'm also sleeping more easily these days as little boy sleeps in the same bed with me (which he has done for years now)...holding my hand. I love the feeling of his little hand in mine when he falls asleep at night. It is a feeling that I will cherish for the rest of my life.
Little girl is more feisty and independent but even she has an amazing imagination. She is very artistic and is constantly drawing pictures. She is an amazing storyteller. She's also soft at heart and loves her hugs.
We've had a bit of a battle recently as she won't go to sleep. She's afraid of the dark. She's afraid of the house burning down. So much so...I got the fire brigade in to fit extra fire alarms. To little effect. She's moved into our room too. Everyone goes to bed at 8pm now and we all sleep soundly. If I'm lucky I can get them to sleep and creep downstairs to watch a bit of telly. The stuff that doesn't frighten me that is!
I'd still like to write. If I ever get the time to do it. If I do...I'll be intrigued to see whether it features the dark and bleak stuff or not....
By the way I'm still dealing with our accounts and coming to the end of the guiding season at Vindolanda. So it's.........
Bye for now! Hadriana xx
PS: My next post will be on "end of the guiding season".The one after that..I'm aiming to get back to my banking reminiscences. Sorry that I'm a bit rubbish at getting back to your comments. I will try really hard to do that from now on - now that the main busy B&B season is coming to an end.... :)

28 comments:

Crystal Jigsaw said...

Sorry to hear you feel you have lost followers. I'm sure that's not the case.

Going to bed at 8pm would be a miracle in this house; the hens only go to bed at 7.30 (until it gets really dark when they go around 6pm) and the dogs usually got to their kennel around 10.30.

CJ xx

Hadriana's Treasures said...

Thank You, CJ, you are probably right...I'm feeling a little blue at the moment. I am having to face up to realities...whether we can continue in business (despite having a roaring season this year) - it's all about keeping the bank happy.

These autumnal months see some unhappy (and happy) anniversaries so it's all about light and shade, light and shade...

Thank you for your lovely, cheering comment! Hxx

Nota Bene said...

I've found the number of visitors to my blog is down massively in September..perhaps everyone is just too worried about the economy, and hopefully your drop in followers is the same! Kids can be funny things can't hey - just when you think you've got them all sorted, they throw a spanner in the works..

the fly in the web said...

It could be that you're not losing followers, just that people don't comment so often...the after holiday feeling when there seems so much to do and all you are up to is visiting your favourite blogs...the effort of typing is just one thing too many!

I'm having intermittent problems with Blogger...and i must say that after a third failed attempt to leave a comment I am prone just to leave the whole thing...

Hadriana's Treasures said...

Hello NB,

Yes..you may have put your finger on it. I don't usually look at follower numbers - I'm not fixated per se (I'm actually not sure whether I believe in it all...but I am flattered that people do)! ;)

I haven't got round to "fixing" my Google Analytics stats. Bleurgh. I'm good at worrying...that's what it is! I should get a gold medal in it!!!

As for children...you are spot on there. You do think you've got something sorted and then...bingo! something else comes along. I guess it's what makes life interesting. Big grin. Hxx

Hadriana's Treasures said...

Bonjour Fly,

I know what you mean about Blogger. I've been having a lot of problems with it lately. Maybe it has too many users? Maybe they are fiddling with it in the background?

I can understand that people may want to comment or not comment, follow or not follow, have problems with technology or not (and boy!...I do the last bit very often frequently!!!) I just don't want to be misunderstand that's my main for speaking out. Especially when it comes to violence against children. No way jose.

Thanks a bunch for persevering with leaving a comment, Fly, there's nothing worse than losing stuff. Infuriating. I agree. :) Hxx

Hadriana's Treasures said...

"misunderstood". Sigh. Brain ahead of my fingers.

Hadriana's Treasures said...

"reason"

Shall I just start again?

You now what?...............

I am now starting to revisit Morecambe and Wise sketches in my head. That definitely cheers me up. ;)

Maybe we can all start to picture them doing silly things when technology/life/stuff begins to wind us up...

(just a suggestion)...

Hadriana's Treasures said...

"know"

Arggh!

the fly in the web said...

Morecome and Wise?
I can remember
''ot on ze tabul'...which has often made us giggle in France...for some daft reason

Mark said...

Well I think your ramblings are pretty good.

It would be easy though to make some glib or jolly comment about what sound like difficult times - I suspect what you call 'light and shade' is actually pretty tough and worrying. I know I'd be constantly turning things over in my mind if I thought my livelihood was threatened. I sometimes envy those who can take a lighter view of life - but then perhaps they don't have the joy of the contrast.

Keep well and keep writing.

PS Looked at your on video on Youtube. And I learned something about recycled roman stones. Have you ever been to see the ancient cup and ring markings on outcrops in Northumberland - the best are in the north of the county (Longframlingon and Wooler ) but I'm sure there are some near you.

Alienne said...

I don't always comment but I promise you that whenever I see you have a new post i do come and read it. I have never bothered with stats on my blog so I have no idea how many people read it. I read the comments and I know how many followers I have - but many of them have never ever commented so I don't know if they actually read it! You just post what you want to, and we'll keep reading it!

Hadriana's Treasures said...

Fly, Mark, Alienne - what lovely words! I take much heart from them. :) I'll comment a bit more soon...I'm between Vindolanda and Roman Army Museum right at the mo'. It's grey, dank and dark outside but it's super to be out amongst all the countryside and history!

Hadriana's Treasures said...

Fly,

I've got a soft spot for M&W...glad they make you giggle (me too). I always remember the Cleopatra - Roman sketch with Eric turning up with "SPQR" on his Roman Eagle and Glenda Jackson saying:"All men are fools...I use them as stepping stones!"
(Just found a good site -
http://www.abitabout.com/Eric+and+Ernie) and clip: http://www.lucywho.com/video/-J3h_lSXGLY (sketch is 7 minutes in). Bliss. That does cheer me up. ;)

Hadriana's Treasures said...

Hi Mark,

Yes..it's been said of me in the past that I think too much! Ho hum.
Fingers crossed that the situation resolves itself. If it does then I can talk about it a bit more here. Things are looking brighter this year compared to last so hopefully the upward trend will continue next year!

I filmed myself (at least I think I did...I need to dig out the film as I did it before I went on holiday) of our little standing stones near here. Would love to venture out and see the ones you recommend though. Hopefully I will. :)

Hi Alienne,

Thank you as always for popping by. You sound very busy and the South of France sounds blissful. I'll be over to yours soon. I finish guiding at Vindolanda and RAM tomorrow until half term (Oct) so I am hoping that my free time will improve quite a bit.

Thank you for your encouragement. I like to keep up a certain standard here. So will persevere. You're right about stats. It's the writing which comes first! :)

Hadriana's Treasures said...

Alienne,

Not sure why I said South of France! Corfu...is where you've been! And Attila has been scuba diving...that is blissful.

You sound as if you have got a lot on your plate so the fact that I'm whinging about a few followers going astray is a tad silly. Huge hugs...look after yourself. Will be over to comment properly very soon. Take care, Hxx

Maggie May said...

I think most of us lose some and gain some (followers) It seems to be an ever changing scene.

Love your description of your cosy nights in with the children.
Like you, I get quite disturbed by violence and cruelty but it is there and cannot be completely blotted out.

I always feel a bit sad around Autumn. The Summer finishing and the long Winter to face, whereas in Spring there seems to be such hope and a new start.......
Maggie X

Nuts in May

Hadriana's Treasures said...

Hello Maggie,

Oh good! You write your seasons with capital letters too. I love doing this and then wonder if it is "correct". The seasons have a big impact on us out here in the countryside so the capital letter adds weight to this!

I do love Autumn (despite the memories)...this morning was wonderous. I'm going to try to describe it on my next blog post.

I know what you mean about Spring. Each year I hope that it is going to be a corker of a Summer. 2003 was superb and so was 2006. Hopefully 2011 will be fantastic 9all year) for all of us!

The children seem to have a great time despite the weather...which is just as well! :)

Hadriana's Treasures said...

Eric also had "Luton FC" (flipside to SPQR)...on his Roman Eagle Standard - love it!

Hadriana's Treasures said...

(all year)

Catharine Withenay said...

I'm still here!

(Just in case you were concerned that I wasn't.)

Hope all works out for the guest house: I can't believe it was the wrong move for you to make. And keep trying with the writing - the book is in you somewhere!

Sarah Cuthbertson said...

Just been catching up with your ordeal with the bank over your B & B. I do hope all will be well with your B & B. I'm sure your successful year this year will be in your favour.

So agree with you about TV violence. I think being a mother makes you more sensitive to the suffering of the innocent and vulnerable, even if it's fictitious. And it's a sad comment on our society that it keeps getting worse (as per the law of diminishing returns).

I think you've reached the best compromise with your children's sleeping probs. But all the same it's rather hard on you (I've been there!). But this too will pass as someone said and they'll be all the better for the patience you're showing now.

NB Lost my original comment when trying to preview it - bugger Blogger. This time I copied it first just in case!

Hadriana's Treasures said...

Hi Catharine,

I think I am becoming a believer in telepathy. I was thinking of you recently and here you are!

Thanks ever so much for your comments. We are getting super feedback from our guests...it is just being able to convince the banking fraternity of our desire to continue!

I'm also getting some great feedback on my guiding which is absolutely superb. It fills me with confidence and I think that I have finally found my vocation!

Thanks for popping by and I'll be over to yours soon to catch up with you and your writing.

Hello Sarah,

Thank you so much for your comments. I am pretty soft with the children. It's an easy thing to do as they are adorable. Yes..they can drive me mad at times but it wouldn't be normal if they didn't. I/we love them to bits!

I don't know what is the matter with Blogger these days. When stuff disappears it is really annoying. Maybe we should go over to voice operated software? (and we can record it!) :)

Hadriana's Treasures said...

Hi Catharine,

I think I am becoming a believer in telepathy. I was thinking of you recently and here you are!

Thanks ever so much for your comments. We are getting super feedback from our guests...it is just being able to convince the banking fraternity of our desire to continue!

I'm also getting some great feedback on my guiding which is absolutely superb. It fills me with confidence and I think that I have finally found my vocation!

Thanks for popping by and I'll be over to yours soon to catch up with you and your writing.

Hello Sarah,

Thank you so much for your comments. I am pretty soft with the children. It's an easy thing to do as they are adorable. Yes..they can drive me mad at times but it wouldn't be normal if they didn't. I/we love them to bits!

I don't know what is the matter with Blogger these days. When stuff disappears it is really annoying. Maybe we should go over to voice operated software? (and we can record it!) :)

Sandy's witterings said...

Can't see how your Vindolanda blog could offend anyone - it's a realistic reflection from a far rougher time and the sort of thing that probably happens form time to time nowadays.
Tis interesting since I was there once - at the time I lived over 100 miles away and I was never there during my childhood when I lived just over the border in Langholm (I never saw the wall at all until I was an adult)
It's good to read about places you know as well as places new.

Hadriana's Treasures said...

Hello Sandy,

Welcome to my blog! Thanks for commenting. Sorry it has taken me a while to respond to you. I was with Friends of Segedunum on Saturday on a coach trip along the Wall. It was a fantastic day and I'm only just recovering!

I've only lately discovered the Wall (to my shame) even though I was born in Jarrow, brought up in South Shields and Newcastle plus studied Latin!

Better late than never (I say to myself). Just found a great phrase...ars longa, vita brevis (which could be completely misinterpreted!) meaning that art is long lasting but life is short.

I'll go with "vallum longus, vita brevis" i.e. the wall is long (and lasting) but life is short! :)

French Fancy... said...

Sorry to arrive so late. This work lark is playing havoc with my time to just sit and be quiet and blog away. My life is completely different.

As for losing followers - it is weird when the numbers go in the wrong direction. I used to puzzle over it (it happens to everyone btw) but now I just take a very light-hearted approach to it all.

Hadriana's Treasures said...

Thanks FF for that. I'm just a worrier and I'm trying to kick the habit. Think I am getting there but will take lots of practice!

Thanks too for popping over when I know you are so busy! I must admit that I stop worrying when I've had a good meal. Must be sugar levels or something! :)