Tuesday, 28 September 2010
Holding hands with the present, the past and the future
I think I need to sort out my computer as I seem to have lost the ability to download photos (and add links). So please imagine an image of a small hand holding a big hand.
I'm fairly convinced that I've lost a handful of followers after the Vindolanda post (recent one) about the discovery of a child's skeleton there. I can understand why (at least I think I can) although it still hurts to lose followers.
I'll try to explain why there's a mixed message in there.
I would never hurt a child or a person...in thought, word or deed but I know that I'm no angel. (Although I would like to be one and try to be an angel every day. I love getting on with everyone but I'm human...I do have bad moods. I do lose my temper. I'm not the most patient person in the world although I try to be and so on. I would not lay a finger on anyone...in fact I'm harder on myself than anyone else. Especially when I mess up!)
I've always wanted to write...ever since I was very little. I've also been very interested in the crime genre - Raymond Chandler, Ed McBain, Dashiell Hammett and so on. Paradoxically since I've had children I now can't cope with any visual violence and much less..with the current fashion for showing very graphic violence to women, men and children on screen. I run away from that stuff and hide behind the sofa. Give me "Downton Abbey" every time. That's why I like "Morse" because it is a cerebral "cop" show. I don't really see anything in it which makes me head for the hills. Perfect. I get a good night's sleep.
I do try to imagine the dark side of life. Why? Because it's there and I can't get away from it. In fact some fairly awful things happened to my close family (in the last war) and to a former boss. (I can't quite bring myself to discuss these in public just yet.) So my active imagination runs away with things at times. I've learned that there's no point in hiding these things under the carpet. They have to be brought out and examined in broad daylight from time to time. In fact, to be an effective guide or storyteller, I have to think about them. Whether I like it or not.
I'm also sleeping more easily these days as little boy sleeps in the same bed with me (which he has done for years now)...holding my hand. I love the feeling of his little hand in mine when he falls asleep at night. It is a feeling that I will cherish for the rest of my life.
Little girl is more feisty and independent but even she has an amazing imagination. She is very artistic and is constantly drawing pictures. She is an amazing storyteller. She's also soft at heart and loves her hugs.
We've had a bit of a battle recently as she won't go to sleep. She's afraid of the dark. She's afraid of the house burning down. So much so...I got the fire brigade in to fit extra fire alarms. To little effect. She's moved into our room too. Everyone goes to bed at 8pm now and we all sleep soundly. If I'm lucky I can get them to sleep and creep downstairs to watch a bit of telly. The stuff that doesn't frighten me that is!
I'd still like to write. If I ever get the time to do it. If I do...I'll be intrigued to see whether it features the dark and bleak stuff or not....
By the way I'm still dealing with our accounts and coming to the end of the guiding season at Vindolanda. So it's.........
Bye for now! Hadriana xx
PS: My next post will be on "end of the guiding season".
Sorry that I'm a bit rubbish at getting back to your comments. I will try really hard to do that from now on - now that the main busy B&B season is coming to an end.... :)